My Frozen Lake
by MeMe00190
Summary: This is just my spin on how Deeks was feeling/thinking before, during and after the epiosde my frozen lake. It was one of my favorite episodes, for the development of Deeks and his character. Its written through his eyes, hope you enjoy!


**Hey guys, I was so in love with the episode "the frozen lake" from NCIS LA that I thought I would write a little story based on how they felt but different in my own way, hope you enjoy :)**

Having Kensi as my partner means the world to me. I don't think that I would want any one else, I trust her more than myself. I love her, I can't tell if it's a partner friendship love or a romantic feeling love. The line seems to be getting blurred, either way I can't wait to see her everyday. I want her to be mine, I have for a very long time. Everyday I dream about what might be, what we could be. I'm scared that what I dream of lately, of us together, would be too good to be true, and I believe it will. Maybe the idea of loving her and having her, is what I've fallen for and not herself.

I wanted to take my chances, in case. There were so many possibilities of what could happen, could we be happy together? When we were at that nice restaurant, I could tell that she was uncomfortable, she seemed on edge. I had to keep joking to make sure it didn't get awkward but it did. We both knew what (we thought) we wanted, but neither of us wanted to say it first. I was hoping that tricking her into going to the nice restaurant instead of taco's, and asking her out on a date was enough to say "I like you", without actually saying it. It _should _be evident how we act around each other, others at work have commented on it. We were out of place at the restaurant, everyone else dressed for the setting, us we looked like we belonged at an actual taco joint, maybe that's where we should have gone. She kept going on about how she wanted me to tell her up front what I wanted. All I could imagine was her back at my place, being there with me not as partner, but as someone I cared deeply for. I didn't even realize I had interrupted her "I don't want to be here with you". A pause so I could think of if this is what I really wanted, it was. "I want to be at my place right now with you". Those words were the truest thing I've ever said to a girl in the past 10 years. It wasn't like convincing the ladies doing yoga in the park with tight pants on to join me for a couple hours. This was different, this was bigger than me and her and I still haven't decided if it was exactly what I wanted.

Watching Kensi ponder and think over what I had just said, it was scary. I had to hold my breathe, keeping my eyes locked on her face, she looked nervous, scared, hopeful and childish all at the same time as if that was all possible. I wouldn't have been offended if she said no. It was a good seven seconds until she really moved, she didn't say anything but stood up slowly as if she was still thinking whether or not this was what she really wanted. Apparently it was because she walked right past the table keeping her eyes straight ahead, I was unsure at first what that meant but once I realized she made up her mind, I let out the breathe I was holding in for way too long.

I didn't know what I was expecting, but I didn't think it was a let down. As I saw her that night, at my place, I realized that even though I had already seen her naked at work, this was different, this was personal.

The morning after was a little weird, I knew what had happened and I still couldn't tell if it was what I wanted or not. It felt great having her around, not worrying about whether or not she would be harmed, where I wasn't to help her, she was one of the strongest women I have ever met and not in just a physical way, her mental state never changed. I looked next to me, but she was gone, she must have left while I was sleeping. I wasn't too sure what I was expecting, that was probably the wisest choice.

Last night was great, on the drive back to my place, we established some rules that would ensure our capabilities to work together as partners. Our partnership means more to me than anything right now, she was there for me when I couldn't sleep, she was the one who would do anything I asked. There was no way we would be able to work without each other.

Seeing her away for all those months drove me crazy. I tried to find substitutes but nothing would do. Many times I would find myself going back to the same picture of her, she wasn't just smiling in the picture, she was laughing at me because I did something stupid (which I did to make her laugh).

I got to work early to avoid suspicion, but that didn't go according to plan. I was on edge, and it wasn't because of the many cups of stale coffee from the break room. I didn't feel safe, I felt like I violated her privacy too much last night, I violated the partner rule. Still unsure if it was a good idea, we were both mature adults. If it was a mistake, we could get over it.


End file.
